Client debates if they were wrong for not letting their solo event planner keep leftover retainer money as a tip, after the planner refunded it, later hinting that a positive review could make up the gratuity: 'First time it even occurred to me'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Nov 23, 2025 7:00 AM EST

Tipping culture is different depending on each country and each professional path. There is no 'one correct way' to do it, yet there is so much pressure on those who 'get it wrong'. Contradictory? Some might say. But an essential matter to understand? Absolutely. Like we said previously, certain job titles hint more towards the acceptance of tipping than others…for example, wait-staff, delivery drivers, and hairstylists, to name a few. But many roles in the workplace do not share those same expectations…So, where does the line of tipping begin and end? 

Well, it seems like this client doesn't have all the answers either. After hiring an event planner to help her organize a party, she was very happy with the results. Professional, efficient, and extremely successful! But, when the end of the night rolled around and the awkward topic of 'payments' was introduced, the event planning company ethically returned the money they had been given for extra hours they didn't end up working. The awkward part? During their conversation, the owner had mentioned how she could provide a great review, as compensation for the tip…Tip??? She didn't even think about tipping for this type of service, as payments were made before the event. Did that make her naive, stingy, or simply a woman unfamiliar with the world of party planning? 

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  • The guilt is starting to creep in…Perhaps she was reading too much into the exchange. Their tone could have very possibly meant ‘a review would be much more valuable’…Mmmm, but we're not entirely certain…but what we do know is that the event is over, and the fees have been paid. But maybe next time, in an attempt to spare herself the shame, she should find out the tipping expectations before hiring anyone else? 

  • Serious woman holding a $5 bill.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I hired an event planner to help me throw a party. They own the business and are the sole employee.
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • They charge by the hour and require a retainer. I paid their retainer, the planner did a good job and the party went well.
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • The planner worked fewer hours than the retainer covered, leaving $ from the retainer left over.
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • They let me know that and asked me if I'd like them to send me back the difference via Venmo and said they would be very happy to do so.
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • I said thank you, yes please. They sent the $ and wrote back asking "in lieu of a gratuity, any positive reviews would be very appreciated".
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  • That was the first time it even occurred to me that maybe I should have given a gratuity As a service based business owner myself I never even think about whether or not I will get a gratuity (In 10 years only 1 person ever has).
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  • I've always thought that it's not really appropriate to tip business owners since they are in control of setting their own rates and pay.
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  • AITAH for not telling the planner to keep the left over $ as a gratuity?
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • Creative team discussing a project
    via Ivan S

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • RuncibleMountainWren I thought the same, but it's still poor wording - 'in lieu of flowers' is because the expectation is that people would / should do the socially acceptable thing of sending flowers - but there is no natural expectation here of giving a tip, so it creates an unnecessary awkwardness and the client feels like they they missed a cue to give a tip and are being passive-aggressively reprimanded for it. Honestly, they need to just say they would appreciate a review if you liked them
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • OP LazyRiverGuide This is how I interpreted it.
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  • Certain-Car7905 If they wanted a good review, they should've just been upfront about it. Instead they tried to guilt-trip you by saying "instead of tipping you could write a review," when a tip isn't even required. That kind of pressure is not a good look.
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • OP LazyRiverGuide That's exactly how I felt when I read it, which is kind of a lousy way to feel and end an otherwise good experience.
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • SonOfSomeOneSpecial NTA. They set a rate and should provide the service for what they quoted. The follow-up ilis open to interpretation, but my opinion is that they were expecting a tip but after realizing they weren't getting one, they decided to poke a little bit by using the review request to cover it up. Have used plenty of services who followed up with no mention of tip and just asked to "Please leave us a review and spread the word."
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  • OP LazyRiverGuide Yeah, this is how I ask for reviews myself. Just a simple ask with no hint of expectation
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  • Waitress at a catered event
    via industrialphotograph

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • LuvLuxeBags The passive aggressive note about the gratuity left an ick feeling NTA
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • OP LazyRiverGuide That was definitely my impression when I saw it. Unfortunate, because otherwise all was good.
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  • Mermaidlighthouse So a question from the other side of this. As a business owner in a service field where tips are part of wages, if I have to help out during busy times and I take an order for drinks, I do not feel comfortable taking a tip. Is it rude for me to tell the customer that I would prefer they do not tip me?
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • OP LazyRiverGuide I think in that case it's best to take the tip, so not to make the customer feel they did something wrong. Then redistribute the tip to the employees.
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  • delsteinaa I read her comment differently... saying instead of tipping leave a positive review, and how that is appreciated! She wasn't asking for gratuity but because she isn't a positive review would go a long way! I suppose I'm reading it in a different tone.
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  • Beth21286 If she hadn't followed up with the 'in lieu of a gratuity' I'd agree, but that tips it over the edge for me. It would be perfectly normal to say something like 'I hope you enjoyed the service, if so would you mind leaving a review?' but she specifically mentioned a tip first.
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  • RegrettingFM The phrasing reminds me of an invitation to a funeral or wedding: "In lieu of flowers or gifts, please send donations to the local Meals on Wheels in <deceased or happy couple's name>." It's not guilting you for not sending flowers or buying something off the registry, just saying that if you had been thinking of doing that the family would prefer that money be spent on a cause the engaged couple or the deceased would have preferred. The person is like: "I don't need a tip, but if y
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • Express-Hedgehog8249 NTA and I don't think they expected a tip either. Sounds like they just wanted a way to remind you to write a nice review. Edit: I meant to say NAH.
    via LazyRiverGuide
  • BetSavings4279 That's pretty standard follow-up for an event planner. We ask for reviews because that's how we make money. A tip is nice, but that money gets spent and is gone. A glowing review, however, will continue to pay dividends for years. She wasn't asking for a tip, just nudging and saying, "IF you would like to show appreciation for my efforts, instead of the $10 today, can I have the potential of more business?"
    via LazyRiverGuide

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reviews staff polite event-costs gratuity party planning askreddit charging tipping events percentage advice Party planner payment company passive business Extras fees
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